Wednesday, December 17, 2008

it suddenly dawned on me when i woke up this morning. it was like all the puzzle pieces came together to depict what i already knew i would see. as of late, i've been wondering why my vivid imagination has failed to produce any dreams of days to come. so often have i found myself, in the past, taken out of the moment to the life of a future Me. whether it be returning to london or paris, working hard for what i love, or loving hard for what i've worked for, these detailed visualizations gave me something to strive toward and made the present-day seem important yet nothing more than a preamble for the future. all that seems to resonate now is a loud silence. not to sound crazy for placing so much faith in dreams or to sound morbid for thinking such thoughts, but the total erasure of my future self has led me to believe that i am going to die quite soon. this is all very disturbing, how strange.

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